Thursday, June 18, 2009

Not That You Asked...

But I feel compelled to explain, nonetheless, why I have not posted much, in spite of my assurances that I was "back" now that the university teaching year is over. I have thought about posting many times. I even started a post yesterday, a long one, but managed to bore myself so thoroughly that I stopped and deleted every word (saving the blank post so that even the draft was gone for good).

I'm having a bit of a "blogdentity crisis," or at least that's the (non-)word that comes to mind. My life has changed in some simple yet profound ways in the last year, and I am uncertain as to the purpose of this blog (or even if I want to write in this way just now). When I started I thought of myself as a "mommyblogger," though my (mis)adventures as a mama of a small child were certainly the focus of many posts. I needed a virtual space that was all mine, where I could vent and rant and let it all hang out. I had a few things to say and a place in which to say them.

But now? I don't seem to have much to say here these days. Part of it is the easygoing nature of our days this summer: we do our writing in the mornings in our offices, leave by noon to pick up the Little One from her summer preschool program, come home to eat lunch together, and then we each spend the afternoon enjoying the pursuit of our own choice. Obviously this leaves a lot of room for blogging. And yet I can't seem to blog. What on earth would I write about? What we ate for lunch? Which book I might read that afternoon? What we might eat & drink for dinner? There are many of you out there who can make such small details come alive on the page, but I am not like you. When I try to write about something like that? Zzzzzzz...

So. I don't know if I will write that much this summer after all. And I'm going to release myself from the obligation. I'm going to read all of your blogs for awhile. Maybe I'll find inspiration. Or maybe I'll just enjoy the reading but still have nothing I want to write here. Maybe I'll just link you all to the good stuff I find. Maybe I'll actually try writing the mundane details of our summer. Maybe I'll just write about the food and wine we're enjoying. The possibilities are like these summer days, so many still stretched out before me, making me smile with the luxury of doing just as I please for much of every day. I haven't been this relaxed for years.