Thursday, June 26, 2008

Confessional

I must confess something to you all. I am in maternity clothes again. The problem? I am NOT pregnant. And the sadder thing? I was not able to wear these clothes even a week after having the little one, because I was too thin for them. I know you are not sad for me, because you of course must hate anyone who does not need their maternity clothes so soon after birth. I understand. But I am redeeming myself now, three and a half years later, because I have to wear them now.

I keep telling myself that I should not bother losing the weight, because we’re going to try to get pregnant again quite soon, and if my first trimester is anything like the one I had with the little one, then I will need these extra pounds to lose, because I couldn’t really eat much for those first months. I never threw up, mind you (that was the lucky part), but I couldn’t stand the sight, smell, or even thought of most foods. So I lost weight in the first trimester, which gave the OB a false sense of my pre-pregnancy weight, because I was in fact thinner at that first visit, around 12 weeks or so, than I was before becoming pregnant (I was with one of those annoying clinics that won’t see you until the first trimester is pretty much over, just in case... how positive and cheery is that? And this was AFTER the first miscarriage, and I was 36, so you’d think they’d offer more monitoring, as my current OB does, but no.) I remember when I saw her on one of my postpartum visits (when I was still distinctly crazy), and she looked at my weight and said something like, “Oh, you’re doing well, only about 10 pounds to go before you’re at your pre-pregnancy weight.” And I’m all like, “No, bitch, I actually LOST weight in the first trimester, not that you’d KNOW that or anything because you assholes won’t even see someone when they’re first pregnant because you’re so BUSY and all, but anyway…” Okay, so I didn’t really say it quite like that, but I did correct her and try to explain, which fell on deaf ears.

But I’m losing my point here, which is to say that I cannot fit into any of my jeans anymore, and I have two really great suits that I can’t wear at all, and I’ve been borrowing my friends’ old fat clothes, which is SUCH an ego booster, let me tell you. I’m not going to talk numbers or sizes here, because that’s all relative. I’m short and small-boned, so if I talk weight or clothing size half of you will roll your eyes and snort in derision and tell me I have no talking room. Numbers don’t help. The relative measure that does help here is that I’M WEARING MY MATERNITY CLOTHES AGAIN AND I’M NOT PREGNANT. Need I say more?

9 comments:

IRISHKAT said...

You are brave and what a great post! I still can't admit my new weight after baby #2. I even lied today when I went to the DMV...sad, sad me!

catnip said...

If I had ever actually bought maternity clothes I would probably be wearing them too. As it was, I hated to "waste" money on something I would only wear a few months so I made do with stretchy pants and t-shirts. That last month was really bad...

Great post, as usual!

Kat said...

When I was pregnant, I remember reading that if you were overweight that you should gain less. Being, *ahem* of that persuasion, I thought I should have a free pass to gain more than average...already being above average. But I found that the hormones actually kicked my metabolism into gear, and I lost weight. A lot of weight. I loved being pregnant. I should have been a surrogate. I could be the size of a supermodel...

Lauren Horsley said...

Does it make you feel any better to know that I just celebrated my little boy's first birthday and haven't packed away the maternity jeans yet? I hate to say it, but misery does love company and your post here helped me feel less alone in my weight struggle, so thanks! Hang in there!

PS - thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. It's so fun to meet a new blog-friend!

Heather said...

I think maternity clothes are so stinkin' cute these days...go for it.

Mommy Meryl said...

Hey - I agree with the comment above this one - have you seen some of the maternity clothes lately? Sooooooooo cute!! I can't wait to be preg again just so I can wear them. . .

Ok - so I already had extra layers of maternal tissue (translation - i'm fat!) when I got preg and I lost sooooooooooo much weight when I was preg (I think because I ate really really really healthy and well, I guess being diagonsed w/ Type II diabestes and being on insulin helped too. . .) that I would KILL to be as large (or as small) as I was when I was preg. . .sometimes I can't decide if I am more excited to get preg again to have a baby or to get thin! Ok- for those of you who can't get a written tone, IT WAS A JOKE! Of course I want the baby more -but sometimes you don't know what very sensitive type are reading these blogs and I don't want to get an email saying how awful I am for wanting to be thin more than I want a baby. Just a joke. Seriously. I promise. Really - read my blog and you'll know how I love nothing more than being a mommy! But being thin again sounds pretty good too! :-)

followthatdog said...

Are you comfortable? that's whats really important. I'm still working on the pregnancy weight or shall I say breastfeeding weight since I seem to have held and gained weight while I nursed despite what the breastfeeding advocates tell you about the amazing weight loss powers of nursing. Now that I've weaned it is starting to come off, but damn, it has been a long long time.

Veggie Mom said...

Hi! I'm new to the Blogosphere, and I found your site thru another link. Interesting stuff here! I'm running a giveaway, and I'd love it if you'd stop by. http://poprs.blogspot.com/2008/06/giveaway-tuesday.html Drop in any time! :)

Jessica said...

i was in my regular clothes within 3wks. but yet I could probably still fit into my maternity clothes. it's sad... almost 2 years after giving birth to my second child. and thanks for the input on my button. :)