Monday, December 31, 2007

I'm Baaaack

So I know no one is reading this blog right now, so it doesn't matter that I've been gone for months, but perhaps someday someone will. Since I last wrote I finished my Ph.D., taught three new courses, and presented papers at three conferences. Hence the long silence.

I feel like life has been transformed once again, as my daughter is entering a new phase. She is not quite yet three, but seems much like the 5-year-olds we occasionally encounter, so is very much a preschooler already if not officially so just yet. Occasionally I glimpse the baby side of her, when she says certain words, or gets very tired, but most of the time she is very much a little girl now.

I love this age... she can do so much on her own, can say everything she needs to, and our lives are ever so much more civilized than they once were. And she's such a little love! She will regularly come to me, crawl up on my lap, and declare her love with complete abandon: "I love you Mama, sooooo much!" I am all too aware that one day this will cease, probably quite suddenly, so I soak it up.

She has been singing the most hilarious rendition of Rudoph this year:

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose...
And if you ever saw him...
You would call him names"

Very politically UN-correct. But hilarious, nonetheless. Our camcorder is broken, so I cannot record her sweet singing of this funny little song, alas.

I fear so many little things like this will be lost forever. Parenthood acquaints you with the truth of Zen, that all you have is this moment, that all is ephemeral. But some time spent recently with a 15-month old reminded me that parenting a child is a one-way journey. I might look at old photos and miss my daughter as she was then, but each new phase brings new gifts as she evolves, and I know we can't go back. I wouldn't want to. If I could go back to visit her as she was, I would be looking for the little girl I know now.

Happy New Year everyone... I can't wait to see what 2008 will bring.

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